I was grocery shopping today and as the clerk hit total (which was somewhere around a bazillion dollars) the little coupon machine spit out a coupon for me. It was for Vivarin.

How did they know? Is there some sort of digital sensor on the machine that counts the number of children accompanying the person swiping the credit card? Then rather than taking a retinal scan to protect me from identity theft, it scans the dark circles under my eyes and says “Get this woman a transfusion of caffeine”?